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Divorcing husband wants to prove his wife cheated, and he won't settle for joint custody without a condition

Your Question:
Divorcing and heading for depositions. She wants Joint/Joint on 15 year old. I would settle for that if I could stipulate my home as the custodial residence. STBX is set to lie in her depositions with "he's only a friend". He's not and I can prove that but don't think it matters in the legal context. I need to know if it will matter if she lies on the deposition and if it can later be used at trial to prove fault in a no fault state. Also, is the main custodial point with a 15 year, where she wants to live?

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My Answer:

Okay, I know you're upset that your wife cheated. That's why you're getting a divorce.

However, it's somewhat annoying when a person doesn't bother to spend 2 minutes reading a page that I entitle What You Must Know but expects me to put in some time answering his questions on my website. Is the title of that page not obvious enough?!

Sheesh, right there in the very first section on that page are two bullets that clearly answer two of your questions... when it comes to child custody, judges don't care about liars (unless a consequence of the lie harms the child), and judges don't care about adultry.

Onto your other questions, I have no clue why it matters to you to be labeled the custodial residence in a joint custody situation, versus just agreeing to joint custody. The most important things are A) sole or joint, and B) the actual parenting schedule. If it's 50/50, a judge won't be swayed by a little self-serving label of "custodial residence" when it's clear the parents share equal billing in raising the child.

With regard to what matters on a custody ruling, it will be the best interest of the child. The child's opinion matters, if of significant maturity (e.g., 15 years is a reasonable age), but it's not a slam-dunk.

If one parent enforces curfew, bedtime, homework, and chores, while the other parent doesn't... which home will most 15 year olds choose? But which home is probably better for the kid?

I strongly suggest you get a book about child custody and family law. You've got many assumptions that are faulty (and perhaps emotion-based), and they're gonna lead you down an expensive, frustrating, and unfulfilled path. If you can settle all your matters in a manner that is fair and serves your daughter's best interest, that is the ideal route. Then, get your emotional revenge by dating women (outside of the eyes of the children) who are younger and hotter than her, but there's a time and place for everything.

READ stuff on this website (and go find a good book or two), including other posts that have subjects similar to your own situation.

Good luck.


This website gives common sense advice that is not intended to act as legal guidance nor psychological guidance. The author is neither an attorney nor licensed psychologist. For specific legal guidance or specific psychological guidance, consult with a licensed professional.

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